


cor destructum

by bedknees



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Gen, Headcanon, POV Second Person, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sans Has Issues, Speculation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-21
Updated: 2015-11-21
Packaged: 2018-05-02 18:18:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5258816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bedknees/pseuds/bedknees
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You remember eleven, but you know there were more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	cor destructum

You don’t remember much about your childhood. Hell, your brother remembers nothing. What you did recall was feeling lighter, less world-weary. You liked to sit under a big tree and read science fiction books given by somebody you cared about (your dad?). At one time, your veins were filled with stars and your olive skin itched with endless curiosity.

 

Your heart pumped blood and your lungs breathed air and _you remember that you actually weren’t always a skeleton._ How else could you recall nosebleeds and the sharp chill of cold air affecting your asthmatic lungs?

 

It’s not clear if you and your brother were once human, or something very humanoid that happened to be a monster. There were a few of those in the Underground, after all. In any case, most of the memories were sketchy. They were even sketchier for your brother.

 

You remember magic being strong within you. The telekinesis set you apart, as did the visions. You remember the latter being called ‘farsight’. It exclusively came to you in dreams. It still does.

 

You remember a machine that your (dad?) was working on. You think you were his apprentice.

 

He was going over how he planned for it to work. Your brother was there as well. You remember being excited over what your dad was describing.

 

Then, something happened. It’s not clear in your mind what it was, but there was some kind of malfunction.

 

You still hear the screams of agony.

 

Your brother doesn’t remember anything at all.

 

He doesn’t remember the feeling of being torn apart at the seams, the feeling of being about to detach from reality altogether.

 

Neither of you brought it up, where you came from nor what you may have been.

 

But your fragmented memory of what once was stuck with you. You were both in a better place back then, you just knew it.

 

Somehow, you found the machine.

 

You thought you’d find the answer within it.

 

You were wrong.

 

**//\\\//\\\**

 

Eventually, the two of you adapted.

 

You worked tirelessly, taking on a few jobs to support you and your brother.

           

Your brother was able to land a job as a sentry and got you in on it. Working three jobs exhausted you because you cared too much, at least back then.

 

It seemed as if you were lazy. You were, but not as much as you appeared to be. There was a lot of innate magic flowing within you. It made you physically weak, fragile. In fact, maybe it was like that from the time your were born. You don’t remember. But it made you tire easily, made your brother go out of his way to ensure you weren’t hurt.

 

It was mutual, as his innocence and his tender soul was no match for this cruel world. You did what you could to keep his mind safe from any negativity that may come his way. You loved him dearly, still do.

 

Things marched along at a staggering pace. You continued to do research concerning your past and what it truly was. In the back of your mind, you just wanted to go home.

 

Everything changed when the child showed up.

 

There was nothing particularly interesting about that fated day. You fell asleep at your post, dreaming of hands reaching out to you and moving spastically and seeming to _talk to you_.

 

The dream was very unpleasant, so you woke up with a start. You heard distant, frantic yelling. It got louder as you came to your senses.

 

It was your brother.

 

You rushed to the panicked yelling as quickly as you could.

 

Your brother had an absolutely delighted expression on his face. It warmed your heart.

 

Before him was a human child.

 

The kind you were on watch for.

 

You remember the kind woman at the door, asking you not to hurt any human child that came through.

 

There was nothing in you that wanted to hurt this kid, anyway.

 

//

 

You saw the surface for the first(?) time.

 

Everything would be okay now.

 

**//\\\//\\\**

 

You woke up, startled.

 

Something was wrong.

 

This was Snowdin.

 

You eased your panicked mind, not wanting your brother to worry about you.

 

Why were you back in Snowdin?

 

You walked downstairs and looked at the calendar.

 

It was the day the kid first arrived.

 

//

 

Distraught and desperate for answers, you walked towards the Outskirts of Snowdin where your brother said he first saw the child.

 

You barely had time to react before they started walking toward you.

 

You held your hand out, trying to be friendly and asking them what was going on.

 

Then they sunk a knife into your coat, through your spine. Their eyes glowed red.

 

Everything went black.

 

**//\\\//\\\**

You did a more hands-off approach this time.

 

You stayed bottled up in your room, missing work and claiming you were sick.

 

Your brother was worried, not questioning it, and left spaghetti by your door.

 

He wouldn’t believe you even if you told him.

 

//

 

You held his scarf to your face.

 

The tears drenched it thoroughly as you watched the kid spare soul after soul.

 

Except for _him_.

 

But you knew it would be pointless in fighting them.

 

Pretty soon, you’d wake up in your bed again and your brother would be alive and everything would be okay.

 

You bowed your head. Nothing mattered anymore; everything was pointless.

 

Everything went black.

 

**//\\\//\\\**

 

You woke up.

 

You didn’t want to leave bed. You cried silently under your blanket as your brother yelled up the stairs. You rarely cried. You told him _I’m fine_ and _I’m tired gimme a sec_.

 

//

 

It was a few hours before you emerged.

 

Harnessing your inner-magic, your focused resolve was ready to deal with this little glitch in the system.

 

You had to proceed with caution. No chances would be taken with something this volatile.

 

You used your telekinesis to lift them into the air. It caught them off guard.

 

They cried, scared. Their eyes weren’t glowing red.

 

You held back tears of relief, putting on a friendly front and immediately putting them down.

 

//

 

You saw the surface again.

 

The anomaly had resolved itself.

 

You were in the middle of telling a bad joke when the world went black.

 

As you realized that things were resetting, you pondered bitterly over when exactly you started protecting your emotions with humor and pranks. At what point was it that you felt you were too broken inside to _not_ wear a mask? Was it before the accident? You weren't too sure.

 

**//\\\//\\\**

 

It had become routine.

 

This loop was something that had become a normal part of your existence.

 

You couldn’t give up, though. Seers were supposed to do amazing things with their gift.

 

_Gift._

 

This time, you were almost able to help the child.

 

They had killed three monsters.

 

Their eyes glowed red.

 

Your intervention may have helped.

 

Of all things, a _flower_ stopped you.

 

It wrapped itself around you, laughing viciously.

 

There was cackling, malicious cackling as the thing basically mind raped you.

 

It commented that it was impressed to see someone with prior knowledge of the ‘resets’. It said you were something that had to be dealt with properly.

 

You screamed in agony, to the same effect as in the lab all those years ago.

 

Everything went black.

 

**//\\\//\\\**

 

_“my name is sans gaster,_

_“i’m nineteen-years-old_

_“my brother is alive_

_“i’m in snowdin_

_“i’m alive_

_“i’m safe.”_

 

You faced the precipice of hopelessness and dived in head first, letting it swallow you whole.

 

//

 

The corridor that you had familiarized yourself with enveloped you in golden light as you evaded the sharp blade.

 

This time, you nearly killed the poor, possessed child. It would have been a mercy.

 

You failed.

 

Everything went black.

 

_papyrus, do you want anything?_

 

**//\\\//\\\**

 

You gave up.

**//\\\//\\\**

You failed.

**//\\\//\\\**

 

You’re worthless.

**//\\\//\\\**

 

You’re nothing.

**//\\\//\\\**

 

…

 

…

 

You’re **_safe_**.

**Author's Note:**

> Notes: I do not own Undertale, its characters, or settings. Also, ‘cor destructum’ means ‘broken heart’.


End file.
